Wednesday, January 04, 2006
See Mei, I soooooo GOOD!!! sacrifice my dinner time to type advice for you first before I go buy dinner & eat. Actually I havent thought of what to eat....LOL
Read your blog...dun get too sensitive and broad over this issue too much. I experienced exactly the same thoughts as you before...EXACTLY, when I was with Sean.
I always felt I was on the receiving end and taking him for granted but in relationships, there's never such to begin with.
We all give and we all receive. It's only up to the individual to be mature & understanding that by human nature, we're all greedy. Nothing's ever enough to fulfill our needs & wants in whatever situation.
When I was with Sean, I tried my best to be as good as I can to him, you people around me knows, Papa knows the best. Though as much as I would like to change him and make him a better person, I can't. It's not within my means and control to change a person. Even god can't change a person unless the person is willing to change on his on.
I always felt Sean gave in to me in many ways, my tempers, my critism, my bad habits etc etc, but when I reflect upon the past 3yrs 8mths, I gave in the same way as well which all only differs in expressions.
Same to you and jianhui. I'm really really very happy to see both of you so happy together. You been through good and bad times with ah fu but as jianhui always says, it's not that both of you are not good enough for each other, but emotionally, spiritually, you just can't click. It's amazing to see both of you being there for each other about 3 years as friends and only becoming a couple after so many wrong turns each has taken.
Firstly Priority issue. All of us are still young, none has a stable job to begin with not even to say planning for marriage in the future. People will change, environment will change, nothing is going to stay the same forever. Right now is a honeymoon period for you & mao, what about further?
I used to be very naive thinking that oh, sean is the one and only one for me. But when environment changes and both of us change, the outcome of our used to be happy relationship changed as well.
My dad advise me, relationships comes & goes, which the same goes for friendships. If we ask ourselves, how many of our current group of friends are true friends who will stay with us throughout our lifetime?
For me, when I was working, work is first priority cause I need bread & butter before I can have relationship. Then when I'm back to studies, studies becomes my 1st priority, students become my 2nd, then relationship. Living in Singapore is tough, it's all about $. Without $, you can't gain knowledge which will open doors to a brighter future. Without knowledge & $, what's there to talk about marriage?
Secondly, sharing thoughts, we tend to keep secrets to ourselves because ultimately we need to protect our self interests as well. I believe it's not intentional of you to keep secrets but you're afraid that he will not understand your point of view, which in turn friends come into place to act as support and advisors. I used to share with Sean, but as he got more & more opposing to what I'm sharing, I began to stop and rather share my deepest thoughts with my dad and papa. Perhaps it's because they understand me the best & they have been through the same, so they are able to relate their experiences to me better and give me advise which are practical & not idealistic.
Time is not always there for us to experience life in one lifetime. So I really hope what I'm sharing with you is able to help you move on in building a better relationship with mao. He has very similar characteristics with me so I understand that you may feel pressurized into feeling you're not good enough for him. Please don't cause you are really good and definitely good enough for him.
Enjoy as much as you can with him before he goes into the army. Then find a job to keep yourself occupied over the weekdays. You are always welcome to come my house to use the kitchen and experiment dishes and desserts. =) We'll cook together k. You can cook for him then I learn to cook for the special one when he really comes into my life.
Love you Mei, you have really been a great friend to me. Cheers to our friendship!!
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